Gambit the Love Doctor
by Layzay the Killer
Summary: Depressed about their lack of success in love the X-guys decide to turn to known ladies man Gambit for help.


Author's note

I don't anything, just a little idea that popped in my head.

"I just don't get it..." Scott groaned, a morose expression marring his usually calm features." Why do they all seem to go for idiots and assholes?" he added thinking longingly of Jean as she rode off with Duncan.

"And then, when you ask them out they're like, oh you're cute but you're too nice." Evan added pulling up a seat at the kitchen table.

"Or, I love you like a brother." Kurt interjected teleporting into the room, bringing his usual fire and brimstone, and an overall air of romantic failure. "I mean come on man! Vhat is zat!?"

"Seriously dude." Evan responded turning toward his friend. "I could go to Philly for brotherly love, right now I want some-"

"Da." Piotr squeezing into the room, adding his agreement.

"Oh come on." Scott said cynically spinning his chair to face Piotr. "What trouble to do _you_ have getting girls?" he demanded eyeing Piotrs' muscles.

"Bah!" Piotr shook his head in disgust surveying his impressive physique. "They all say I am safe...and warm like a Teddy bear.."

"Ouch.."Evan said

"At least bears are strong!" Kurt exclaimed, "When's the last time you've heard of an elf getting laid!?"

"My, my, earth's mightiest male mutants, sittin' here like a bunch o' pigeons on a clothesline watchin' de eagles soar...", came an all to familiar drawl from the doorway.

"Gambit!" they all shouted in unison at the sight of the wily thief.

"Bonjour." he replied nonchalantly leaning on the door frame.

"How did you get in!" Scott demanded his hands flying to his shades.

"Ah picked de lock, it kinda comes with de territory." Remy replied with a smile as he strolled into the room confidently, a silver Ipod in his hands.

"Hey that's my Ipod!" Evan shouted angrily as Gambit took a seat.

"Once again, it comes with de territory." the Cajun replied smoothly shuffling through songs. "Didn't figure you fo' a big Hanson fan Spyke..."

"Um uh.." Evan replied embarrassedly.

"Now." Gambit began instantly serious. "It's come ta my attention, dat you boys are havin' some lady troubles, well rest easy cause' Ah'm here ta solve em." he finished smugly.

"Why should we trust you?" Scott demanded again, though his hands left his shades.

" In case you saps couldn't tell by de way dat Rogue looks at ol Remy, it's safe de say Ah've gotta way with de ladies."

Even though he didn't like Gambit Scott had to admit he was right, and he could tell by the expressions on his friends faces that they did too.

"Alright how can you help us." Scott relented, trying not to sound desperate.

Gambit gave a roguish grin as he reached into his coat and pulled out what appeared to be an ordinary water bottle.

"All you boys have ta do, is drink dat."

"No vhay man!" Kurt shouted backing away an inch.

"You wanna be an elf de rest o' you' life?" Gambit shot back harshly. "What about you tin man? What about you four eyes?" he added looking at Scott.

For a moment they all sat there in silence, before a large hand shot out and grabbed the bottle.

In a matter of seconds, Piotr had downed the entire thing.

"I am sick of being a Teddy Bear." he answered at the dumbfounded looks on his friends faces as he wiped his mouth off.

Seeing that Piotr seemed perfectly fine, the rest reluctantly agreed to Gambits plan.

"Don't worry. Much mo' where dat came from." he grinned again pulling out three more bottles.

"Vhat is this stuff anyways.." Kurt asked as they drained their bottles, a slightly queasy look on his face.

"Never mind that fo' now, just tell me how things go tomorrow."

--

Scott awoke the next morning feeling that nothing had changed, and regretted the whole thing until he received a knock on his door early in the morning.

When he had answered it, he found no one there but a letter that smelled of perfume lying at his feet. Confused he opened it and read the contents to himself.

_Dear Scott,_

_I just dumped Duncan, because I woke up this morning and could no longer resist your explicit manliness. I've just gone to the tattoo parlor to get a portrait of your face on my back._

_Love, _

_Jean XOXOXO._

Surprised but pleased at this turn of events he had gone down to breakfast to find that everyone that had drank Gambits potion had had similar occurrences.

Kitty dumped Lance, and had gone on a private walk with Piotr a few hours prior. Apparently they hadn't been seen since. Evan had the intense pleasure of watching Tabitha, Jubilee, _and_ Rahne fight over him. While Kurt had been stunned to find a gaggle of girls he didn't even know attempting to break into his bedroom.

Perplexed that Gambit could have been so overwhelmingly right, he decided to give the card slinger a call.

_Bonjour?_

_Hey Gambit, it's me Scott._

_Hah, fightin' off de filles with a stick no?_

_Yeah, what was in that stuff?_

_Just de most powerful aphrodisiac in de world from de glands of de most manly animal on dis planet, and Ah happen to have an unlimited supply. As it turns out Ah'm due fo' a new shipment today._

_Well thanks, you've been a huge help, even though that sounds really gross._

_Think nothin' o' it._

_See you around man._

_Au revoir._

Gambit hung up the phone a smug expression on his face, indeed he did have a new shipment. Sliding on his trench coat, he strolled out of the door, still listening to the pilfered Ipod.

His walk was only a few blocks. Stopping in front of a building that read Atlas gym, he smiled before walking in.

At this time in the morning the gym was devoid of the usual meatheads, and in fact held only one occupant.

He was a stout man whose short stature was overlaid with rippling muscles. His rhythmic grunts came through slightly fanged teeth, as he did pull ups. The overall effect was that of a pit bull in prime shape.

Gambit strode over to the man with his hands in his pockets.

"Bonjour, havin' a good work out?" he asked his eyes following the mans' progress up and down.

"998 999 one thousand!" the man yelled hopping down and facing Gambit sweat pouring out of him.

"That time again huh bub?" he grunted again.

"It seems." Gambit responded reaching into his coat again, this time pulling out a towel and handing it to the man.

For a good minute the man rubbed and scrubbed himself with the cloth, and by the time he handed it back to Gambit, it was completely drenched, as if it had been plunged in a tub.

"I don't get what ya' need my sweat fer..." he stated as he watched Gambit place the towel into a large ziploc bag carefully.

"Scientific purposes Logan. Ta see if teenage boys really will do anything ta impress a girl."


End file.
